It's Been 5 years...  This One's Personal.

It's Been 5 years... This One's Personal.

Happy birthday Mom, today would have been your 65th birthday.  It is, sadly also the day we lost you...  5 years ago. 

No matter how tough this day can be sometimes, I make it a point to remember that although way to soon... I'm grateful she had a peaceful passing.  She had the best day, it was her birthday.  She spent the day surrounded by loved ones, friends and family at her and my step father's winter get away in Florida.  Although my brother and I were here in Canada, we were told that she was beaming with joy that day, she had just turned 60. She laid to rest that night, in her bed... happy.  And that's my take away, despite the grief and sorrow, she was peaceful and happy.

It's a strange thing...  To celebrate someone's birthday when it's also the day they died.  The flood of feelings that creep up during this day are always pretty confusing.  Grief is a really weird thing you know, but it's different for everyone. I don't think there's any one way of dealing with it.  

It comes and goes like waves.  Some days you're ok, others you're not and that's okay.  I used to feel a lot of guilt because I thought I should be dealing with things one way, and I just wasn't. "I should have called more, visited more" and all of those regretful thoughts.  It took me some time to realize that there's no wrong way.  You just feel the way you feel that there's nothing wrong with that.

Life is short, you really never know when that last call, visit or hug will be.

My Mom, Nicole was honestly the best human being I've ever known.  She was kind, caring and gave the best advice.  It really didn't matter what you came to her with, she always made you feel better.  She never judged and always made sure you felt heard.  And this extends to everyone, she was admired by many beyond just my family.  

So if you're dealing with grief, know that you're not alone.  

Anyone that knew my mother knows that she very much enjoyed crafting.  I remember as a kid having a puppy that she had made, I think it was ceramic (the details are honestly a little hazy), the date and her signature on the bottom of it.  She dabbled with macrame, cross stitch, ceramics and of course knitting and crochet, which I obviously inherited so, I have her to thank for my crafty gene hehe!

Before she passed, she had started a beautiful ripple afghan.  Tri-coloured in different shades of green, it was to match the couch she had in her basement living room.  She did not get to finish it.

So here I am, 5 years later with a small crochet business I named after her.  With all of the projects I've completed over these few years I have not been able to touch that afghan.  I'm determined to finish it one day and today I'm making it a point to finally start to work on it.  

So, I'm not really sure which hook she was using lol so this might consist of a little trial and error.  The basket she stored it in contained the pattern, which is probably as old as me haha the paper has yellowed a little.  There was also a hook case with a few hooks in it.  One of them was loose, a 6mm which is what I'm assuming was the project hook.  The pattern calls for a sport weight and a 5mm hook, she used worsted yarn.  I think my assumptions are correct so I guess we'll see how our tensions matched!  You're gonna keep me busy and guessing with this one Mom.  

 I'm very grateful to have a project of hers that I can work on.  It'll definitely be a very special keepsake, one thing we both shared and that I'll have to cherish for years.

I love you Mom,  Happy Birthday. XO




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